Amnesia
by KlikStar
Summary: What happens if someone you love forgets who you are, how do you coupe and help them to remember? Zack finds himself reflecting on the past as he tries to help Cloud get his memories back. Rated M - Yaoi warning - Part of the Four way split saga
1. Chapter 1: Amnesia Part 1

**This is a story which has been floating around in my head for a while and after several reviews and queries regarding the character development and the history of these guys I just had to write it. I have also been working on several other ideas and their outcome is sort of dependent on how this story is reviewed. **

**This instalment continues with the four way split saga but looks back a little more on their past and even though there is a scene between Zack and Cloud the story is more about the emotional rather than the physical aspects of their relationship. As a result it's not quite as 'stimulating' as my last piece, which I'm not even sure how I'm going to top but I will try :o). **

**As always I own nothing and it's rated M for Yaoi.**

**I always love to hear what you all think, but as this is something a little bit different I really would like you to review and let me know what you think. **

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**Amnesia – Part 1**

"Hey Brice man, you've got us going in circles."

"I have not" the named cadet responded defensively.

"Yea you have" a third added bluntly.

Cloud silently groaned in frustration at the situation, knowing that if things continued like this then they were going to fail the mission. There were only six people in their group and already half were arguing with each other, the hierarchy that had been assigned falling to pieces. He looked around the area keeping his guard up as the others continued to 'debate' what they should do next and knew that something was going to happen, just knew that it wasn't possible to have so many people distracted and not have something go wrong. This was his first official session in the VR training room and the last thing the blonde wanted was for it to end badly.

The training exercise was originally designed to be a simple search and retrieve mission, but Sergeant Shaw had altered the program to include lower level beasts as well as human enemies. It made the task more challenging for the cadets, but he had stated that Cloud and the others were ready for this level of confrontation. As a result the small group of cadet's had quickly found themselves working hard, as they made their way through the program, trying to complete the mission objective. The initial part of their assignment had gone well, with all of them working together, and they had been making good progress towards their objective. The problem was they were now lost somewhere in the swamp section, knee deep in computer generated slim, and things were beginning to break down between some of the group members.

Cloud knew they had spent too much time in this area, had already past the same spot twice, but he was not the assigned team leader so kept his thoughts to himself. Unfortunately other members of his team did not hold the same respect for authority as he did and the resulting argument, which was quickly developing into a fight, was leaving them vulnerable.

As if confirming his very thoughts they were attacked, the two creatures moving from the shadows and charging them in their distracted and weakened state. Thankfully Cloud had been watching their surroundings more than the dispute and was ready in a second, his body responding to the attack in a rush of adrenaline. He brought his gun up and fired at the nearest beast swinging the weapon to catch the second in a spray of bullets. Both creatures went down in a generated spray of blood and dissolved as the computer programme deleted them instantly.

"Damn it." Brice swore as the cadet's quickly pulled themselves back together again.

Embarrassment showed on their faces as the other cadet's quickly realised what had happened. They knew they had nearly failed the mission, understood that they had been caught unprepared, because instead of following orders they had been arguing.

"What do we do now?" a voice asked cautiously.

When no one spoke Cloud decided to take a chance and make a suggestion, although he doubted that they would listen to him.

"Brice do you mind if I suggest something?" the blonde tried nervously.

"Uuumm yea, Cloud, sure." Brice responded hesitantly.

"I think we need to head west, the trees seem to be thinner that way so it should be leading towards a clearing. The ground also heads up so there must be an incline or hill to see over, it might give us a good vantage point."

"Sounds good to me." A cadet who Cloud knew as Jacob responded.

"Ok." Brice agreed, taking in the nodding heads. "Let's go."

Now that they had a direction to follow the cadet's became more focused on their objective again and Cloud was relieved to note that the group began making good progress across the rough terrain. Thankfully his suggestion paid off and they quickly found a good defensive point which gave a clear view of their target.

"Nice work Cloud" Brice said patting the blonde on the shoulder.

"Yea, good one" Jacob added smiling brightly.

Cloud nodded politely in thanks and smiled at their words of praise before turning his attention back to the surrounding area, as if on guard from any more approaching enemies. From the outside he appeared calm and controlled, a cadet following orders to protect his team mates, but inside his heart was pounding like a drum.

The cadet silently took a moment to absorb their words of approval, to let the emotions associated with them sink in, allowing the rarely spoken comments to fill him with warmth. It was no secret that he was mostly an outcast within his troop, that however much they trained together he wasn't really one of them. Cloud knew he had made a few 'friends' amongst the other cadets, a few individuals who were kind and polite to him when they met outside of classes. He understood why he didn't mix in their social circles, knowing it was because he had never really fit in properly from the start.

A feeling of sadness began to fill the blonde as he stood watching the silent trees, the memories of things gone by flashing through his mind quickly in a matter of heart beats. He had hoped it was just the people of his village who couldn't see past his physical appearance, had hoped that it would just be those kids who would treat him so cruelly while making his childhood so miserable. But even here it had continued, the hurtful teasing and laughing from some and the disassociation from others. Apart from the few who still spoke to him most of the other cadets had fallen into one of two groups for the blonde, either tormenting him and making his life a misery or ignoring and avoiding him completely.

Cloud smiled faintly as he remembered how surprised he had been when Zack had found him, when the soldier had offered his services as a mentor, when somewhere along the way they had become friends. The blonde hadn't understood the raven haired man's interest in him at first, had even been cautious of the offered friendship, and had certainly not expected their relationship to become so ... personal. The problem was it had also made the ties with his fellow cadets even more strained and given those who disliked him more ammunition for their attacks. Cloud recalled how he had learnt to live with the rumours when they weren't true, knowing that to deny them only made it worse, and then happily ignoring them when they were true and the people spreading them had no idea.

The smile on his delicate features became a mixture of happy and sad, as he remembered the addition of Reno into their relationship. How the Turk's new presence in their lives had been wonderful, but also how it had made things awkward for a while. The rumours becoming either very crude about all three of them or reporting that Cloud had been 'dumped' by the soldier. Cloud had expected it again when their trio increased by one more, by the time Sephiroth's involvement made its way into the compounds gossip network, and thought he was ready for the backlash of his happiness.

The smile slipped away completely as he recalled how he hadn't been prepared enough, the looks he received somehow being worse than before, the silence he received from some becoming just as hurtful as the comments made by others. He knew that things had been hard to start with when it was just Zack, the constant need to prove himself always there, but with the others it had quickly become torturous driving him to the point of breaking. Cloud felt his heart flutter as he remembered their love for him, how it always made things alright. The gentle smile returned to his face, brighter than before, as he remembered how they had saved him from himself when he was falling apart. The blonde drew in a calming breath as he realised that with them by his side, he could handle anything life threw at him.

"So we charge in, kill everyone and get the object, no problems."

Cloud was suddenly dragged back from his personal thoughts by the familiar voice of the cadet who spoke and gritted his teeth in frustration. This had been the one to speak disrespectfully the first time and now it appeared he was trying to taking over, it wasn't good.

"Dean, shut up man" Jacob warned.

"Ok, here's the plan." Brice said ignoring the pair. "We split into three groups, two go north towards the back while two go south and meet there for a rear assault. The remaining two head up towards the front."

The cadets nodded in acceptance of the orders and were quickly split into subgroups. Cloud wasn't surprised when he was paired with Dean, the two of them clearly being the odd ones out in the group, and instantly knew it was going to end badly. They entered as planned, defeating the enemies as necessary and even got close to reaching their target before it all went to hell. Just as Cloud had feared Dean blew it, rushing the last attack and putting them all in jeopardy. There was a loud explosion as a defence mine was set off, throwing the cadet's back leaving them stunned but unharmed.

Cloud was up on his feet in a second, his response times much quicker than the others because of Zack's extra training, and he instantly saw the danger coming. He didn't have time to warn Jacob or Brice about the peril they were in, didn't have words to shout as the structure beside them collapsed, all he had time to do was charge forward and push them out of the way. A second later and the heavy metal frame came crashing down around him, beating his body and breaking bones as it crushed him into the ground.

The computers safety features immediately kicked in and the programme instantly froze, the mission shutting down and alarms sounding to attract medical attention. Cloud blinked up though the red which blurred his vision and tried to focus on breathing as the burning pain coursed through his body, as the stabbing in his chest intensified. His body felt wrong, like parts were now in the wrong place, but it was his head which hurt the most. It felt like someone had tried to split it open and based on the warm liquid which seemed to be running along his face they might have succeeded.

"Cloud, Cloud can you her me?" Brice's voice called from the edges of the blonde's semi-conscious mind.

"Move back" a loud voice ordered and Cloud's vision was suddenly filled with blurry images of men in black uniforms and others in white.

"Cadet Strife, Cloud! Can you her me?"

Cloud knew the voice, knew it was someone important, but his mind just couldn't process the thought. He struggled to find a face to that voice as the world slipped from his grasp, as the darkness swept him away, the pain fading into nothing as he passed out.

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"He's got what?!"

Sephiroth winched at the level of Zack's voice and glared pointedly at the soldier as several pairs of eyes settled on them.

"Amnesia" he repeated slowly so that Zack could absorb the word better.

"But don't you need to have a serious head injury for that?"

"Yes, that is correct."

Zack's face actually seemed to pale slightly and his eyes widened.

"What? Why? When? How?" he stammered, the panic slowly rising again.

"It would appear that the program they were using in the training room malfunctioned at a crucial point and believed the cadets to be a group of 1st class soldier's. As a result the safety features fluctuated and when a structure collapsed it caused injuries equal to a real life situation. Had Cloud been a soldier his injuries would have been less severe."

"But cadets aren't supposed to use the VR rooms, only 3rd class soldiers and above are allowed to train in them. Why were they even in there?" Zack demanded angrily.

"Sergeant Shaw felt that their progress was worthy of a more advanced training session. Considering the group he had I would have to agree with his decision. You have taken Cloud in there yourself on several occasions and he has performed well."

"Yea, but that was one to one and I had his back all the way" Zack all but shouted now.

"Calm yourself Zachary. The incident could not have been foreseen. Had the programme been running efficiently then the object would not have caused as much damage. Most of his injuries have been healed and other than some bruising and aching he is well."

"And the amnesia" Zack pointed out bluntly.

Once again Sephiroth glared at the soldier and sighed heavily before carrying on.

"We must be grateful that he is alive and well, from what I understand the head injury was quite severe."

"You're really not helping" Zack growled menacingly.

Sephiroth stopped for a minute and considered the soldiers words. It was true that while Cloud was alright now, the blonde's condition had been very serious when the report had come through. The general was not used to such strong feelings of concern, which almost bordered on panic, and had to admit that the cadet's wellbeing had come above everything else at that moment. He had left his office in a blur of movement, wanting to be at the young man's side, needing to know that he was alright. It was only now as he looked at the soldier in front of him that the general understood. These were Zack's reactions to his own feelings of anxiety over Cloud's injuries, his way of expressing his emotions regarding the cadet, his concern being a displayed reflection of the general's suppressed fear.

"We can see him in a minute" Sephiroth informed the soldier gently, realising that Zack was clearly upset. He had been unsure how the raven haired man would react to the revelation about Cloud's amnesia, but now he knew it made the next part even harder to say. "You may find our visit upsetting as he doesn't remember much."

"What does he remember?" Zack asked sadly, his body slumping forward as the anger was replaced by worry.

"Very little I am afraid. He can recall his name and where he was born, but that is about all."

"And us?" Zack asked almost afraid to know.

"I'm afraid not. He reacted to my presence as if he were meeting me for the first time."

"Maybe if he seems me" Zack asked hopefully.

"That is what I am hoping." Sephiroth replied offering a gentle smile of reassurance.

They waited patiently for another 5 minutes, and Zack had just about reached his limit, when a nurse came to find them.

"Is he ok?" the soldier asked nervously

"He is looking better" the nurse informed him gently as she led them towards a private room.

As soon as the door was opened Zack was in the room, his arms wrapping around the cadet's body tightly. He didn't care what anybody thought, didn't care about any of the rumours as he held his Spiky. What he did care about was the way the blonde went rigid in his arms and tried to pull away.

"Spiky?" he asked moving his hands to grip the cadet's shoulders and hold him firmly in place at arm's length.

Unfortunately Cloud's body reacted to the discomfort of the hold, as well as Zack's close contact, and the cadet quickly pulled away from the soldier's embrace.

"Sir?" Cloud mumbled nervously.

"It's alright Cloud. Lieutenant Fair, Zack, is your mentor and he is merely worried about you" Sephiroth informed the blonde carefully. "He is always like this, to everyone" the general added trying to reassure the now trembling cadet.

"Sir" Cloud repeated, this time in acknowledgement of the information.

Zack looked at Cloud's face with pleading eyes, his heart desperately wanting the cadet to recognise him in some way. Unfortunately the blonde refused to look up and meet his gaze, instead drawing himself in even more at the presence of the soldier.

"Perhaps the living arrangements need to be changed" the doctor said, noticing the cadet's discomfort.

"No" Zack cut in before anyone else could speak. "He's coming home with me."

"He can stay here until he is well enough to return to the barracks," the doctor responded evenly.

"Will staying here help his memory to return?" Sephiroth asked interrupting the doctor and soldier's glaring match.

"I'm not certain."

"But you believe that familiar people and surroundings could encourage memories?"

"Yes."

"Then Lieutenant Fair is correct, the cadet is best staying with his mentor to aid his recovery."

The doctor was clearly unhappy with this decision, but no one argued with the mighty General Sephiroth.

"He will need to stay here tonight under observation. You can collect him tomorrow morning after rounds." The doctor informed them bluntly before leaving the room.

They were allowed to stay for five more minutes, as visiting times were nearly over, but their presence did little to calm the cadet who remained tense throughout their conversations. As they left Zack watched a nurse give Cloud a sedative to help him sleep, their precious blonde being so confused he was unable to relax, and turned to see the same expression of worry on Sephiroth's face.

"I'll call Reno" Zack said, already removing the phone from his pocket.

"Isn't he on a mission?" Sephiroth asked curiously.

"Yea, but he'll want to know and maybe he can get back here sooner."

"Do you think Cloud will recognise him?" The general enquired with concern.

"I hope so because right now I'm worried." Zack admitted helplessly.

"As am I Zack, as am I" Sephiroth agreed quietly, the soldier not hearing the words as he began to speak with the Turk who had now answered his phone.

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The conversation between Zack and Reno didn't last long, the Turk becoming just as worried about Cloud as they were. He hung up promising to do his best to get back sooner, but when he called back an hour later his irritated tone clearly showed it wasn't going to be possible.

"I'm stuck here for two more days," he growled down the phone.

"It's ok" Zack responded gently, understanding the anger in the Turks voice.

"No it's not, damn it! I should be there."

"You can't help it. We all have jobs to do."

"Yea, well it still sucks" Reno said, his annoyance slipping a little as the soldier's calm tone soothed his frustration.

"I know, believe me I wouldn't want to be in your position right now either, but trust me Reno it's not much better here."

"Is he ... I mean ... how bad is it?"

"Physically he's fine, but ..."

"But what?"

"He didn't recognise us Reno, neither of us. It was like he was looking at strangers and ... and he was scared of us."

"Shit!" was the Turk's simple and heartfelt reply and Zack could only agree.

"So what now?"

"I'm picking him up tomorrow and Seph's giving us the day to get him settled into mine properly. I thought we would take a walk around the base see if anything jogs his memory."

"Sounds like a good plan."

"Right now it's all we've got."

"Look Zack, I hate to leave you like this but Rude's calling and I gotta go."

"It's ok, I understand."

"Keep me up to date ok. I want to know how it goes tomorrow."

"Sure, no worries. Take care of yourself."

"You too."

Zack listened to the soft click as Reno hung up and the phone in his hand went silent. It was getting late and there were still things he had to do before collecting Cloud tomorrow, still preparations which needed to be made. He walked into the small spare bedroom in his apartment and looked around fondly, drawing on the memories of the times Cloud had stayed here before they had become more than friends. How the nervous cadet had ended up sleeping over sometimes after late nights training or studying when Zack was just his mentor and friend. The room had become more of a dumping ground for junk in the last few months as it was no longer used for guests, especially as now most of the 'quests' tended to share the larger bed in the soldier's room.

"Ok, better get started." Zack said to himself, moving towards one corner of the room with a fierce determination to get the place ready.

He worked hard for several hours cleaning and tidying away the rubbish, stacking items back on various shelves, and sorting out the piles of clothes which lay scattered around the room. It was only as he began to group the various items of clothing that he realised just how much of their combined wardrobe now resided in his apartment. He loaded the laundry basket with the dirty items and smiled brightly as he then folded the clean ones and put them away in separate draws. There was a strange sense of satisfaction in doing this, a feeling of content at assigning each of the men in his life a draw in his apartment. Zack felt his heart warm as the simple act reinforced their relationship, giving it strength and foundation, and he began to wonder if the same thing needing doing at Sephiroth's place as well.

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The next day Zack was up before the sun, unable to sleep due to his nervous state, and as a result found himself doing some early morning grocery shopping before collecting Cloud from the infirmary. He was at the infirmary before rounds had even finished and shifted restlessly as the doctor took his time discharging the cadet. They were given a list of things to look out for and instructed to not rush back into a normal routine so that Cloud wasn't put under any pressure. Zack had listened intently, taking note of the important information and quickly discarding the rest as pointless ramblings. He smiled broadly once they were finally allowed out and quickly led Cloud back towards the apartment so the 'remembering' could begin.

The raven haired soldier's heart had been so positive at first, as the nervous cadet had followed him across the compound, as they had entered the building and headed up to the correct floor. Three hours later and that upbeat feeling was gone, the soldier's optimistic view being dampened as the blonde failed to remember a thing. In fact the more Zack had talked to Cloud about various things the more anxious and withdrawn the blonde had become. It seemed that the harder the soldier tried the more awkward it became until the cadet had finally sought refuge, away from the soldier, in the spare bedroom which he would be staying in. Zack looked up from his place in the living room in front of the TV and gazed towards the closed door. He knew that Cloud was awake in there, that the cadet wasn't asleep as he pretended to be, but that he was simply hiding. The knowledge of how it should be plagued him. He knew it wasn't Cloud's fault that he couldn't remember, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with.

They decided to give Cloud the first day to settle in with the soldier and then follow the doctor's order of a steady return to the cadet's normal routine starting straight away. Patrol duties were to be excluded from the normal schedule, as they were considered to be unsuitable for his current state, but classes and training sessions were still to be attended. The general used the basis of Zack being Cloud's mentor as an excuse to get the soldier's schedule cleared for the week and have him reassigned to supervise the cadet's reintegration back into his normal routine. It wasn't much of a comfort to the blonde, especially as he didn't really know them either, but at least he wouldn't be alone when he had to go to these places.

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Morning came painfully for the soldier, as the night's torments continued to plague him through breakfast. As a result it was an awkward start to the day and not how Zack had wanted Cloud's first day back to classes to begin.

"You ok?" The soldier asked, as they made their way towards the lecture halls.

He looked cross at the silent cadet beside him and noted the tired look on the blonde's features. He hadn't slept very well either and knew that Cloud has been awake most of the night. He had heard the sounds off movement as someone paced restlessly in the room next to his, wanting desperately to go in there and comfort the cadet, but knowing to do so would probably damage the bond of trust he was trying to rebuild. The soldier watched as the blonde's hands clenched and unclenched at his sides, the slight movement being Cloud's way of trying to shake off the tension he was feeling. It was clear that the cadet was nervous about going back to class as he was expected to, that the blonde still had no memory about where he was or what he was expected to do.

"It's ok to be nervous" Zack said reassuringly, trying to keep his voice neutral and friendly. "I'm sure everything will be fine"

Cloud nodded silently in response and Zack couldn't help but feel like he had gone back in time to when they had first met. His mind raced back over their first few training session together and how the blonde had always been so withdrawn and worried. It had taken him weeks to get Cloud to trust him and open up a little and the thought of having to do that all over again made his heart ache. He could only hope that the classes would help the cadet's memories to stir somehow, that perhaps being around his fellow cadet's would help the past to return. The problem was it was a past which Zack knew would be painful for the blonde. He didn't know much about Cloud's life before ShinRa, mainly because the blonde didn't like to speak about it, but he did know that the cadet struggled to fit in with his peers and that he had nearly broken under the pressure to prove himself to everyone. Zack sighed as the building's entrance came into view and took a deep breath as he opened the door, only Gaia knew how this was going to end.

To his surprise the cadet had hardly made it through the door when he had been pounced on and was bombarded with questions from the other cadets all wanting to know if he was alright. Zack's body went into instant defence to protect Cloud as the surprise of such a greeting hit them both. The sudden interest in his Spiky was enough to make him question their intentions and Zack was not about to let them hurt the blonde in his current state.

It was only as he listened to the questions and took in the genuine looks of concern on the other cadet's faces that he began to relax. The honest and sincere questions regarding Cloud's health and wellbeing appeared legitimate, as they filled the room, and the apprehension within Zak's chest was slowly replaced by caring warmth. He looked over at Cloud and couldn't help but smile at the cadet's confused and nervousness state, as he began to wonder what had changed to make the other's view the blonde differently now.

As if to answer his question, the soldier found his thoughts being interrupted by two cadets who pushed their way to the front of the crowd and embraced the blonde tightly. Zack's smile brightened as Cloud's eyes opened in silent panic and begged him for help, as the cadet was forced to call on another stranger to rescue him from this new and unexpected attack.

"Ok boys give him some space," the soldier advised light-heartedly.

The boy's in question obeyed instantly and it was only now as they all stood in an awkward silence that the large group was able to see the lost expression on Cloud's face.

"Oh my god, it's true, you don't remember" one of them gasped.

"Jacob!" the other one hissed in warning, his eyes darting nervously towards the soldier.

"It's ok. Just don't overload him with information" Zack reassured them smiling.

"Uuummm ok, so I'm Brice and this is Jacob" the first began uncertainly.

"You saved our butts in the training exercise." Jacob added, seeing Cloud's blank expression to hearing their names.

The comment didn't meant much to Cloud, the poor cadet still having no memory of the event, but it meant something to Zack. The soldier immediately understood why the blonde was suddenly cared about by his peers, knew it was because of his actions in saving these two boys that the other cadet's now accepted him into their world. He smiled brightly as the small group led Cloud away to his normal place within the classroom and relaxed in the knowledge that perhaps something good had come from this near fatal disaster.

The tutor's had been made aware of Cloud's case so didn't call on the cadet during classes, instead allowing him to follow the lessons as best as he could. They even allowed the occasional word of advice or helpful hint to slip from the boys beside him when he appeared lost, knowing it was not being done out of disrespect for them. The instructors for the more practical classes had also been warned about the cadet's memory loss and so it was no surprise to Zack when Cloud was made to sit out and observe the sword training session. The soldier watched with sympathy as the cadet fidget restlessly on the bench, knowing that the blonde was probably bored, but also understanding why the instructor was unwilling to take a chance in him being harmed more.

Sighing at himself for what he was about to do, knowing that he shouldn't be doing it, Zack grabbed two of the practice swords and approached the cadet.

"Come on" he said passing the blade to the confused blonde and leading him towards an empty mat.

Cloud's expression was even more fearful than it had been the first time Zack had faced him with a sword and the soldier had to remind himself that they had known each other then and Cloud had trusted him.

"It's fine, you can use a sword. Just relax and let you body work instinctively," he gently reassured the trembling cadet.

He started off slowly performing a few simple moves, which Cloud defended well, and gradually built up their interaction until it was up to what the blonde was truly capably of. The progression of difficulty was seamless and the cadet didn't even notice that the attacks were becoming more forceful as he defended himself against the soldier. It wasn't long before Cloud began to retaliate with his own attempts to disarm Zack and the soldier smiled with joy as the blonde's moves became as natural to him as breathing. They were so lost in the mock combat that neither noticed the room falling silent and all eyes turning to face them. Cloud's reflexes were quick and precise, his attack and defence moves being performed gracefully without fault, and Zack's smile grew even wider as the mock battle raged on.

The soldier had just begun to swing his sword round for a blow to Cloud's chest when the cadet stumbled forward holding his head. The sound of the sword hitting the floor resonated in the room a second before the blonde sank to his knees on the mat, clutching his head in both hands, and Zack was by his side in an instant.

"Spiky?"

"I'm ok" Cloud managed before a small gasp escaped his lips.

It was only now that Zack took in the sight of Cloud's exhausted body noting the sweat soaked hair and uniform, which was plastered to his trembling figure, and began to worry as he observed the cadet's heavy breathing mixed with small restrained sounds of pain.

Zack wasn't the only one to end up on his knees beside the cadet, as Sergeant Shaw appeared on the mat next to the pair. Together they calmed the blonde and encouraged his swaying form to lie down on the mat before he fell. After a minute Cloud had stopped gasping for breath and his tense body had relaxed against the plastic surface. Zack run a hand across Cloud's brow brushing some of the blonde spikes out of the way so he could see the cadet's face more clearly. When tired blue eyes fluttered open and came up to meet his own he felt a sense of relief, that was until they closed again and Cloud moaned softly his brow furrowing in pain.

"You ok?" he asked softly

"Yes. I ... it's like I saw stuff, but it was too fast I couldn't ... see it properly" Cloud mumbled feeing embarrassed by the situation.

"That's ok, it's natural. There's no hurry to remember so don't rush it" the sergeant informed them both evenly.

It was only as they sat watching the cadet recover that Zack begun to notice the audience and looks of combined wonder and worry on the other cadet's faces. He smiled at them brightly and began to imagine that the display must have been quite impressive by their standards and a sense of pride blossomed in his chest. Of course that sensation was quickly squashed when he looked down and observed the blonde's pale features.

"I guess I pushed it" Zack commented by way of apology.

"The activity was more advanced than a cadet should be capable of, but he seemed to be handling himself." Shaw responded as he checked Cloud's pulse again.

"You don't think it was too much too soon?"

"No. If anything it proves that my opinion about cadet Strife ... about Cloud is correct."

"And what opinion is that" Zack asked cautiously.

"That he's got a lot of potential. It's one of the reasons why I put him in with the training session where ..." The sergeant's voice trailed off and he looked away as if unsettled by something. "I'm sorry ... about what happened."

"It wasn't your fault" Zack responded evenly.

"That damn programme, it should have been a challenge for them instead it nearly ..." He stopped again and Zack watched as the man took a deep breath to gather himself. "I've seen stuff in battles, just like you have, but I'm telling you I've never felt like that before. Cloud didn't hesitate to save those boys, threw himself at them without a second thought for his own safety. It was the proudest moment a commanding officer can have and also the scariest at the same time. I've never seen a man risk himself like that for a comrade, especially a cadet who ..."

"Who what?" Zack asked, worried by the man's hesitation

"Who ... isn't part of the crowd" Shaw finished, his voice both hesitant and a little saddened by the fact.

Zack quickly looked down at Cloud worriedly, hoping that the blonde hadn't heard the upsetting revelation. Thankfully the cadet still appeared disorientated and Zack sighed in relief.

"So you think he's good?" the soldier asked, deciding it was time to change the subject.

"Yes. If he's capable of performing that well in his current situation then he must have a natural talent for using the sword."

"A natural talent, so you don't think it's possible that he remembered how to fight?"

"No not remembered. His reflexes were instinctive, which is good, and it's probably what triggered the small flashback he just had" Shaw replied calmly.

"So maybe by doing things which are natural, it will help him to remember sooner" Zack had asked curiously.

"It is a possibility," the sergeant agreed before excusing himself to dismiss the remaining cadets.

That idea stuck with Zack for the rest of the day and remained there throughout the next as well, the concept giving rise to ideas in his mind which could help Cloud to remember. He tried various actions which should have been natural to the cadet, things like hugs and hair fluffing, constant banter about various experiences they shared. He even tried to tickle the blonde who had actually laughed, after hearing a rather embarrassing story about the soldier, but this only seemed to make Cloud uncomfortable again ruining the moment. In the end there was really only one thing, other than training, which should feel natural for Cloud and maybe help him to rediscover himself. The problem was it was a very personal activity and the soldier knew that if it was done wrong then it could have the reverse affect and end badly for them all.

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It was the night before Reno was due to return and Zack sat in his apartment staring absentmindedly at the cup in his hands. Sephiroth had come over once Cloud was asleep, wanting to check on the blonde without upsetting him. It bothered him that he couldn't spend more time with the cadet as easily as Zack and that the lack of interaction meant he was still a stranger to the blonde. He took comfort in the knowledge that even though the memories had not yet returned properly, Cloud was at least more relaxed around the soldier now. It was because of this fact that they had waited until so late for Sephiroth to visit, not wanting to upset the trust Zack had built up, making sure that the cadet was sound asleep before they began discussing their options.

The soldier had already gone over the event in the gym with Sephiroth after it had happened, drawing on what Shaw had said, and proposed his strategy for helping Cloud to regain his memories. The general had listened intently to the suggestion and although he also noted the dangers involved with the scheme, he was prepared to do what was necessary. It was now as they sat in the silent room, scheming in the darkened night, that the worry of what they were planning to do really began to take over.

"He has not experienced any more flashes of memory" Sephiroth enquired hopefully.

"None that I'm aware of. It didn't give him much to go on, but he's calmer around me now and there's odd things he says or does which make me wonder if there's more going on than either of us realise." Zack replied optimistically.

"Then we will see how he reacts to Reno's presence tomorrow. If there is no change then we will try what you suggest."

"Seph, are we doing the right thing?"

"I do not know, but he needs to remember. If not for our sakes, then certainly for his own."

"We could give him more time, maybe if we..."

"Zack" the general cut in gently. "He is vulnerable right now and is a danger not only to himself but also to the people around him. I do not like this any more than you do, but we cannot let him continue to live in such a confused way."

"He's not weak" Zack defended the blonde quickly "His instincts are automatic, if he needs to fight ..."

"I did not say he was weak Zack" Sephiroth continued sternly "I am merely pointing out that until he knows who he is again, he cannot truly understand what it is he is living for. There are people out there who will take advantage of him and his strengths. Do you really want him to rediscover himself after he has done something he could never forgive himself for?"

Zack went to speak but stopped, the words dying on his lips as he finally understood Sephiroth's concern.

"You're worried he won't remember at all" he whispered, as if afraid to say the words out loud.

They looked at each other from across the room and neither spoke, as the answer shone brightly in the general's eyes, the mako burning within the green orbs flaring to show the emotions which plagued Sephiroth's mind and heart. Zack looked away first unable to accept the idea, his eyes watering at the thought of Cloud never being the same again, of the blonde being lost to them forever. Sephiroth was by his side in an instant and holding him tightly, as the tears escaped and slid down his cheeks, as he let his own fears free to be seen by both of them.

"Have faith in him Zack, he is strong and will find his way back to us." Sephiroth soothed gently, as he held the soldier close.

"Are you sure?" Zack breathed.

"As sure as I can be right now."

"That doesn't help much" Zack chuckled dryly.

"It is the best I can give without lying to you and I will never do that."

"Thanks" Zack breathed softly against the general's chest.

They sat in silence for a few minutes holding each other tightly, trying to give and receive comfort from the embrace.

"It is late I should be going" Sephiroth eventually said, drawing away from the soldier's hold.

"I wish you didn't have to go" Zack admitted sadly.

"Neither do I but we cannot rush this. It would be a mistake to let him see us together before he is ready."

"I know you're right, but it still feels wrong."

"Hold on a little longer Zack. If all goes well tomorrow then maybe we will be sharing a bed again soon."

"Do you think he'll remember ... that he'll be ready for that?" Zack asked nervously.

"I'm not sure, we can only hope. If he is not then we will give him the time he needs."

"Seph?" Zack said, as he followed the general towards the door.

"Yes Zack" the general replied, turning back towards the sombre soldier.

But Zack remained silent, his eyes drifting in all directions unable to meet the generals, his lips unable to say the words which plagued his heart.

"You're tired and it's affecting your emotions." Sephiroth soothed gently as he moved to hold the soldier again. "Things will feel better in the morning once you have rested properly."

With that he placed a light kiss on Zack's forehead and left the apartment, his departure marking the end of their discussion and the end of the long day.

A quick check of his phone revealed a message from Reno saying that all was going to schedule and that he should be back by late afternoon tomorrow. Zack smiled and took comfort in knowing that they would all be together again soon and let the hope of what might happen blossom in his chest.

That night all four men slept in separate beds but only three of them knew it could be different, only three of them slept amongst the cold sheets feeling very much alone.


	2. Chapter 2: Amnesia Part 2

**Amnesia - Part 2**

Reno was known for being the best pilot around, but even he wasn't able to make up for the lost time from the delayed departure. It was therefore late in the evening before he was actually dismissed by Tseng and able to get to the soldier's apartment as arranged. The red head's blood was pumping through his veins as he hurried across the compound, his mind racing over Zack's idea and silently praying that it would work. He knew what they had planned was risky, that it could go either way for them, but it was a gamble he was willing to take.

"You're late" Zack snapped as soon as the door was open.

"Sorry" Reno retorted angrily, his own agitated state making him temperamental.

"You were supposed to be here hours ago" the soldier continued in frustration.

"Well ShinRa doesn't do what I want" Reno growled defensively, as he moved past the raven haired man and into the apartment.

"What happened?" Sephiroth asked calmly, before Zack could say something else to antagonise an already delicate situation.

"Some idiot screwed up the flight plans, it delayed us" Reno explained, clearly irritated by the fact.

"Then it was out of your control" the general pointed out evenly, focusing on the solider as he said it.

"I'm sorry" Zack sighed, understanding what he had done. "I'm just worried, you know."

"We are all concerned about this situation, but we must try to control our emotions. It will not help Cloud if we are all fighting."

"Where is he?" Reno asked noting the cadet's absence.

"Sleeping. It's been a rough couple of days for him." Zack explained from the kitchen.

"Does he know you're here?" Reno asked, looking at Sephiroth curiously.

"No. I also arrived while he was resting."

"Well this is going to be a nice surprise" the Turk muttered, only half amused by the situation.

Knowing there was no perfect way to do what was coming next, Zack left the other two to serve up the food while he went to fetch Cloud. The room was dark, but the soldier could clearly make out the cadet's sleeping form on the bed. The blonde seemed so relaxed and peaceful in his current state that Zack began to feel a little guilty about waking him. Taking a deep steadying breath he reached a hand out and grasped Cloud's shoulder giving it a gentle shake.

"Hey Spiky" he called softly. "Time to get up and come eat some dinner."

"Zack?"

"Yea, it's me. Come on, foods getting cold."

He rose to stand properly and waited for the cadet to wake a little more before continuing.

"We have a couple of guests for dinner, I hope that's ok."

Cloud hesitated in his half raised position and looked at the soldier, his blue eyes widening slightly and clearly revealing the apprehension being felt.

"It's ok, there friends of 'ours'." Zack said quickly, making sure to emphasise the 'ours' part to ease Cloud's worry.

"Who?" The blonde whispered nervously, as he continued to rise from the bed.

"Well there's Reno..." Zack paused to observe any reaction to the Turks name, but seeing none continued "... he's an old friend of mine, and now one of yours."

"Oh" Cloud responded as he moved to follow Zack from the room "Who else?"

Zack made sure he was behind Cloud for this one, knowing full well that the blonde would probably panic and try to hide again. They were therefore almost out of the bedroom when he actually answered the question, which happened to coincide with the cadet's eyes falling on Sephiroth sitting patiently at the table. The soldier practically heard the muscles and tendons in the blonde's body snap as he shot into a formal position and saluted the general.

"At ease Cloud" Sephiroth spoke calmly. "We are friends here and formality is not necessary."

"Friends" the cadet gasped, staggering slightly so that Zack had to catch him from behind.

"Ok, take it easy" the soldier soothed, steering the blonde towards the table and depositing him in a chair across from Reno.

"Hey kid, good to see you again" the Turk greeted the trembling cadet cheerfully.

"Hello" Cloud responded hesitantly.

"Good, now that were settled, let's eat" Zack added quickly.

Cloud hesitated as he watched the three men around him began to dine and nervously picked up the fork beside his plate. He didn't remember much about the ShinRa hierarchy but knew enough to understand that Reno was not like Zack or the general, that the man wore a suit as his uniform and that it wasn't because he worked in an office. A title sprang to mind and Cloud rolled it around his head thoughtfully, the word having no meaning other than to indicate that the red head was not part of soldier, but something else called Turk's. But if Reno was a Turk then how had he become friends with Zack, after all Zack had said they were old friends, perhaps they had trained together as cadets. Cloud felt his head begin to ache as the thought began to demand more attention. It was baffling enough to have a soldier and Turk being friends, but to have the general referred to as a friend as well. Well that was just too confusing. Yet they seemed to know each other quite well, their relaxed approach to this event being reflected by the way they interacted so casually. They seemed to be enjoying not only the food but also each other's company and behaving in a way that friend's would in a social situation like this. Then there was the feeling within him, that there was something about this interaction which felt vaguely familiar but he couldn't put his finger on it. It was like one of those pictures where if you look at it one way you can see something, but when you look at it another way it's something else completely different. Cloud was sure that this scene was like one of those pictures, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't work out the second image. Couldn't see what he was missing.

The general, solider and Turk continued their charade, each keeping up the pretence of being merely just good friends. They laughed and joked sharing stories about recent events in their lives, while the whole time they secretly observed the blonde for any signs of recognition. What they saw was a cadet who appeared to steadily grow uncomfortable about the arrangement and becoming more withdrawn into himself, simply pushing the food around his plate in silence.

Zack inwardly screamed as the conversation began to die, as the awkward silence began to take over and looked desperately at Reno for ideas. They had tried throwing in a few subtle past experiences hoping to jog Cloud's memory about times they had shared together, but his reactions had been unclear or nonexistent. It was as if the blonde was only half listening to them now and it seemed that more drastic actions were needed.

"So Zack, what's for dessert?" Reno asked deciding that they had been subtle for long enough.

Zack blinked for a minute and suddenly understood the intense look Reno was giving him.

"I thought ice cream would be good and ... flavoured sauce," the soldier replied carefully.

The comment was left to hang for a moment as each man looked towards the cadet, their breaths held in anticipation. The short pause was rewarded by a small twitch from Cloud, a tightening of the grip on his fork and a flicker of something behind his eyes. A smile grew on each man's face as the blonde finally gave a visible reaction to something they had said and an unspoken agreement passed between them. The subject was clearly something which Cloud could identify with and was worth pursuing further, but first he would need time to fully absorb the comment if he was to understand it. They shared a look which agreed to this fact and therefore left the cadet to his own thoughts as they organised the dessert.

Zack took his time clearing the table and organising the ice cream, dragging out the activity while secretly watching as Cloud chewed on his bottom lip, knowing it meant that the cadet was deep in thought about something. The next part was done rather skilfully in Reno's opinion as he helped to sort out the dessert. He waited as Zack placed bowls of the frozen treat in front of the men and then entered the room and positioned bottles of various sauce flavours on the table, directly in front of the cadet. No one spoke as they all settled down and began to eat again, letting the wide eyed blonde hide his embarrassment from them.

Cloud has no interest in the chilled pudding in front of him, his mind already racing over other things. There was something about the soldier's comment which had been important, something which had flashed up a happy memory in his head, but it had been too quick to see clearly. There was also the flavoured sauce bottles which now sat directly in front of him, the everyday objects not saying a word yet screaming messages at him which he just didn't understand. Then there was that feeling again, the one that hinted at this being more than what it appeared to be. It didn't help that he was also experiencing a strange sensation, one that should not be felt in the company of these men. Heat coursed through Cloud's body as the unmistakable feeling of tightness began to form in his trousers, as his physical discomfort to the situation was now added to by his undeniable arousal. To Cloud's silent horror the feeling suddenly became worse as Reno slowly began to play with each sauce bottle. He felt the heat rise to his cheeks and knew that was now blushing, which in turn only added to his already embarrassed state.

None of the men failed to notice the pink hue which crept up the cadet's face, nor did they miss the way his body had started to shift slightly where he sat.

"You ok Spiky?" Zack asked casually, to which Cloud only nodded a reply.

"Hey would you look at that" Reno exclaimed happily "I drew a flower."

"Excuse me" Cloud suddenly blurted out and left the table before any of them could comment, disappearing down the corridor and into the bathroom.

"Damn it" Zack swore softly as they heard the door slam shut.

"Sorry" Reno mumbled apologetically.

"It's alright "Sephiroth reassured him. "The comment was innocent enough, you couldn't have known how it would affect him."

"It was too soon" the Turk replied scolding himself.

"No" Zack agreed resting his head in his hands "Seph's right. It was a good idea, it just didn't work out so well."

"So what do we do now?"

"I should go and check on him" Zack said, rising from the table.

"I would leave him for a few more minutes" Sephiroth advised calmly.

"Why? What can you hear?"

"Enough to know that the water is very cold and that his colourful vocabulary has not been forgotten."

It took a moment for the information to be absorbed by the Turk and soldier and then both laughed in relief.

"You think he remembers that day or if it's just ... feelings?" Reno enquired thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure, but it's a start." Sephiroth responded, his hopes rising a little.

"So we carry on as planned." Zack asked hesitantly.

"Yea, let's see this through." Reno responded, his confident determination spurring them on.

It was nearly fifteen minutes before Cloud reappeared again, his blonde hair soaking wet and plastered to his head, his clothes dishevelled and damp in places. They watched his desperate attempts to ignore them as he hastily passed by, his sky eyes blue fixed firmly on the floor as he quickly disappeared into the safety of the spare bedroom. Zack didn't hesitate to knock on the door after it was shut and waited barely a minute before entering the room in pursuit of the blonde. He re-emerged a second later physically dragging Cloud back out again, while gently scolding the cadet about having better manors, under the pretence of it being rude to ignore their guests.

Cloud remained silent as he was led through the living room and deposited on one of the small sofas, but the look he gave Zack spoke volumes. The soldier knew that the mixed emotions were a good sign but it also worried him that perhaps they were pushing too hard. He watched as Reno fetched a towel for Cloud's wet hair and cringed as the object was accepted and used as a security blanket to hide behind. As the cadet began using the towel to not only dry his hair, but also to shield himself against them.

There was something eating away at Cloud now, something which nagged at the corners of his mind. He couldn't explain why Reno's flower comment had affected him like that, why the sauces had made his body respond in such an embarrassing way. Cloud couldn't explain any of it, couldn't understand why his body reacted to their presence with both apprehension and joy. There was an odd sensation in his stomach, almost like butterflies, that made him both excited to be with them and also confused. Cloud knew that these were Zack's friends and not his, knew that whatever he was feeling was just his imagination because there was no way it could possibly be really. But that feeling was still there, that underlying current within him which said that this was somehow ... normal. The whole scene began to feel very surreal to the cadet as the strange feeling of familiarity continued to flow through him. That somehow this lack of formality was as natural to them as breathing, even though he was only a cadet and they were so much more.

"Coffee?" Reno asked after a minute, drawing Cloud's attention back to the group.

The cadet looked up in surprise, clearly having been lost within his own thoughts, and Zack's heart fluttered. The blonde's confused look had to be a good sign, especially the way he blushed slightly at having been caught out.

"Coffee?" the Turk repeated, holding up the pot to indicate the liquid within.

"Uumm, no thank you" Cloud mumbled before hiding under his towel again, pretending to still be drying his hair.

The action was a pleasant sight for the men, Cloud's calmer response giving them fresh hope for their plan. It also gave them a chance to share knowing looks without the cadet seeing, silently agreeing to push a little more with the same topic as before.

"So Reno, what you got planned for the weekend?" Zack asked casually, as he sat down beside Cloud on the sofa.

They all noticed the way the blonde flinched slightly and drew away from the soldier, putting some distance between them. Zack's heart skipped a beat, but not in a good way, and he fought the urge to pull the blonde back against him again. Their eyes connected briefly and Sephiroth nodded reassuringly for Reno to continue, knowing what the Turk was going to say, hoping that it would have a positive effect on the cadet.

"I've got the weekend off so thought I'd go and do some sketching."

"Really?" Zack asked playing along "I didn't realise you had taken up art so keenly."

"Yea, well I had a really good teacher, they really 'stimulated' my interest" the Turk replied, emphasising the 'stimulated' part perfectly.

Cloud suddenly became very still beside the soldier, the hand holding the towel no longer moving but fixed in place. In his mind there were images of sauce bottles lying beside him, the smells of the different flavours filling his senses, and the feel of something slick and sticky coating his body. He gasped softly as the sensation of being licked coursed through his body and a snap shot of them all flashed through his mind. The image was once again too fast to see clearly and Cloud chased it in his mind, trying to catch it wanting to see what he was missing, needing to know why his body was suddenly on fire again.

They all watched as the cadet continued to remain hidden, as he curled in on himself a little more, and his breathing increased notably.

"Spiky?" Zack called gently, the concern very clear in his voice.

When Cloud didn't reply Sephiroth moved forward and carefully took hold of the towel, slowly pulling it away from the cadet's tight grip. The blonde gradually came into view, his slightly panicked features becoming clearer and making the men worry more.

"Are you unwell?" the general asked, trying desperately to maintain a small distance so as not to make the situation worse.

Cloud's eyes meet with his for a moment before they drifted past Zack's and connected with Reno's. There was something about the red head which made the blonde stop, something about the way the Turk's eyes glowed surrounded by that fiery coloured hair. Cloud couldn't look away, couldn't stop staring as he tried to work out what had him so focused on the man's appearance. There was something missing, no not missing, but something that had been there once, or had it?

"What's up kid, you're looking at me as if I've sprouted horns" Reno joked nervously.

Cloud's breath hitched and his body jerked as if he had been struck. The cadet's blue eyes widened as images danced in his mind and memories began to surface. Most were still too far away, others still just out of reach, but some were very close and the blonde blushed deeply as he looked upon those images clearly.

Before any of them could ask what was wrong Cloud stood and began to move across the room. His pace was slow and a little unsteady as he made his way towards the bedrooms and they all watched in surprise as he entered Zack's room and not his own. They hesitated before rising and following his departure, pausing in the open doorway as they took in the sight of Cloud sitting on the edge of the bed. A nervous look passed between them as they observed the cadet, whose head was now bowed forward, with a hand pressed firmly against his forehead.

"You ok?" Zack asked gently as he entered the room.

"Yea. I just ... I sort of remembered stuff, but ... it's ... it's not really clear."

"Want to talk about it, it might help."

"It's .. No it's ok" Cloud said shaking his head gently.

"Come on. What can it hurt?" Zack coaxed gently.

Cloud smiled a little and when he looked up at their faces he somehow felt more comfortable, somehow knew that the doubts he was feeling were unnecessary.

"I ... ok, maybe I'm crazy, but ... are we ... uuummmm ... I mean ... us ... are we all ... you know?"

Zack couldn't help but let the smile on his face become a grin which reached from ear to ear. The look in Cloud's eyes was still nervous, but there was also a flicker of recognition in there now and he knew enough to have the confidence to ask. The soldier's smile was infectious and Cloud couldn't help but smile a little more as well, even as the embarrassment of asking such a personal question burned through him.

"Yes we are ... in a relationship" Zack answered the broken question, thankfully containing the rather rude answer which had threatened to come out.

"All ... of us" Cloud asked glancing up at the other two men.

"Yep, sure are kid."

"Indeed."

"Oh. Good. Then I'm not going crazy" Cloud sighed, clearly relieved as well as a little embarrassed by their answers.

"How much do you remember?" Sephiroth asked as he came to sit beside the cadet on the bed.

"Just bits and pieces really."

"Like?" Reno asked, taking a place on the blonde's other side.

"Smells, tastes, distorted pictures of things I should know but can't quite remember. It's like I can sort of see stuff, but not all of its clear. Or what I do see doesn't make sense."

"Like a blurry photograph" Zack added helpfully.

"Yea, I guess."

"So what did you see just now" Reno asked curiously, and smiled when Cloud blushed again.

"You with red horns" the blonde admitted chuckling nervously.

"Do you remember anything to go with the image?" Sephiroth enquired gently.

"No, not really, just ... just feelings."

"Good feelings, right?" Reno joked as the cadet's blush deepened.

"What else?" Zack probed gently.

"You can tell us anything, chances are we were there so it isn't like you can surprise us" Reno added when the blonde hesitated to answer.

"Ok." Cloud agreed before taking a deep breath to steady himself. "I remember certain smells and feeling ... sticky, and ... well ... did we do ... stuff ... with the ... ice cream sources?"

"Yep" Zack answered keeping his face as neutral as he could.

"Oh Gaia. So was that when ... Reno had the ... horns?"

"Nope the horns were a separate thing at Halloween man, after the fancy dress party. You were an angel and I was the devil, you get the picture"

Cloud nodded silently and looked thoughtful for a minute.

"Spiky, you mind if I ask a question?"

"Ok"

"What were you feeling when you ... you know ... had to take a cold shower?"

The cadet coughed and shifted slightly, the recollection of the feelings making his body stir. He wasn't sure how to answer the question, yet his body's responses in front of them seemed to be answer enough.

"Cloud, do you recall what Sergeant Shaw said in the gym a couple of days ago?" Zack continued carefully.

"No, I was sort of ... out of it I guess."

"He suggested that your instincts had maybe triggered the mini flashback you had that day."

"Oh"

"Anyway I was thinking, maybe if we ... um .. you know ... do something ... that's natural and ... well it might help you to remember"

"You want to spar?" Cloud asked clearly confused.

Zack was at a loss for words, his barely coherent sentence having gone horribly wrong. He was therefore grateful when Sephiroth took over the explanation.

"We believe that if you were to spend some time with us in an intimate way it might encourage other memories to surface."

"Oh. I see".

"It's ok if you don't want to, if you're not ready" Reno added quickly.

"I ... I don't mind ... I just ... I don't know what to ... how to ..." he gave up trying to explain and let out the breath he was holding as a frustrated sigh. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so ... to cause this much trouble."

"You are no trouble Cloud and you have already made more progress in remembering than we could have hoped for. There is no need to rush anything if you are not ready."

"Seph's right. There's no need to do something you're not comfortable with. If you want we can just talk some more, see if that helps."

"I'm ok with ... the idea ... I think, but ... Gaia how do I explain this. I know we've done this before, I can ... feel the memories if that makes sense, but it's still ... confusing and ... well it still sort of feels like ... like ..."

"Your first time" Zack offered gently.

"Yea I guess" Cloud nodded, dipping his head down in embarrassment and smiling softly as he wrung his hands together.

"There is nothing to be feel awkward about, it is perfectly understandable."

"How did we get to be ... like this? How did I ... we ... become an ... us?"

"Your first time was with me" Zack said smiling brightly. "For a while it was just the two of us."

"Then I joined in the picture through Zack" Reno explained happily.

"And then later you brought me into the relationship" Sephiroth informed the blonde, making sure he meet the cadet's eyes as he spoke.

"Me. But I ... there's no way I could have ... I mean ... you're ... and I'm .." His stammering sentence came to an end as he held his head and swayed slightly on the bed. "I think I need to lie down."

"It's ok, we've got you." Zack soothed gently, as his hands came up to hold the cadet' shoulders to steady him.

Sephiroth and Reno quickly moved away from the bed, while Zack gently eased Cloud's body back and slowly adjusted it so that the blonde could lie on the soft mattress more comfortably. They waited patiently as his heart rate calmed and breathing returned to normal again, giving him a few minutes of silence to gather himself before continuing.

"Did I really ... ask you?" the cadet asked nervously looking up at the general.

"You did not so much ask me to join, but made more of an assumption about my participation in your relationship." Sephiroth said settling himself back onto the bed again.

"You straddled Seph's lap when he was here one day, damn near gave me a heart attack" Zack explained laughing softly at the memory and at the way the cadet's eyes now suddenly grew in size.

"Oh Gaia, I'm sorry I ..." Clouds words were cut off as Sephiroth's finger landed squarely on his lips silencing him instantly.

"I have no regrets and I do not wish to hear any from you, is that understood?"

Cloud nodded silently as the finger remained in place.

"So, how do you want to do this?" Reno asked uncertainly.

"I believe a kiss is always a good place to start" Sephiroth offered gently

"May I?" Zack asked softly, focusing his violet eyes on Cloud's glistening blue ones.

"Ok" Cloud breathed, his voice a shaky whisper.

The soldier smiled and leant forward, so that his head now hovered over the cadet's, their faces close enough that some of his hair fell across the blonde's cheeks tickling the surface. Cloud stifled the small giggle which escaped him and smiled nervously at the soldier, the curve of his lips trembling slightly as Zack's face came down and touched them with his own.

The caress of such soft, warm flesh against his own delicate lips made Cloud's body react with a hot rush of blood to his face. He held back the moan which threatened to escape, as the blush across his cheeks darkened to a glorious ruby red. The heat in his veins only intensified as Zack's tongue teased at the seam of his lips, pushing gently at his mouth, seeking permission to take the experience further. Cloud opened his mouth hesitantly, his mind still nervous while his body appeared willing.

Zack knew not to rush the kiss, understood from the cadet's slow acceptance of his request that the blonde was still unsure. He slowly dipped his tongue into Cloud's mouth and gently played it against the cadet's tongue, teasing the warm muscle with small playful licks. He allowed his jaw to move gently, so that their lips could move together, as his tongue began to explore the inside of the blonde's mouth. The gentle motions slowly became more demanding and Zack smiled when he felt Cloud's tongue move against his own. Their passionate kiss ended as the soldier finally managed to draw a small moan of pleasure from the cadet and broke away leaving them both breathless.

At that moment a memory flashed up in Cloud's mind, a brief glance at something from his past, an image that came with a flavour. It held the aroma of something sweet and so familiar, he knew that it was something important, but not just because it would taste nice to eat. The cadet's body became tense as he fought to find a picture to go with the memory, as he struggled to discover why this particular food made his breath catch and his heart beat faster. The word hit him like a slap in the face and he gasped, his body jerking on the bed as the surprise of his discover shocked him.

"Spiky?" Zack asked gently, worried by the cadet's sudden reaction.

"Popcorn" Cloud gasped staring up at them wide eyed.

"What?" Reno asked confused

"I remember popcorn. The smell the taste, it's ... it's so ... Why? Why do I remember popcorn?" he pleaded desperately.

Reno and Sephiroth looked at each other in confusion, the item having no specific meaning to either of them. Zack's mind however was racing. He knew why the cadet held such a fondness for the sweet treat, understood that the blonde's memory was returning, and took delight in the knowledge that Cloud's was remembering such an important event in their lives.

"It's what we were eating the first time we kissed."

"It was?" Cloud breathed moving his head to meet the soldier's eyes.

"Yea, you were here and we were watching TV and ...."

The soldier stopped his explanation and laughed softly at the memory, his recollection of the event making his heart flutter. When he looked up again there were three pairs of eyes looking at him curiously, trying to work out what could be so funny about watching television.

"You were tired after a hard day of training" Zack began, his happiness at the memory shining brightly in his eyes. "We were chilling out on the sofa, watching some nature programme about chocobos. Neither of us could be bothered to cook so we ended up eating popcorn while watching the mother bird feed the little ones. I said you looked like a baby chocobo with your spiky hair and you tackled me." The soldier paused again as a small chuckle escaped his lips and the smile on his face softened at the image in his mind. "I'm not even sure how we ended up with me trying to feed you the popcorn while I had you pinned down. It was definitely worth it though, because the next thing I knew we were kissing and it was one of the best moments in my life."

"One of the best?" Cloud asked softly, his face blushing a little from the explanation.

"Yea," Zack sighed happily, his eyes now revealing how deeply the past experience still affected him.

"What ... what other ... moments?" Cloud stammered hesitantly.

"Meeting you of course" the soldier said smiling brightly. "Then ... well, theirs our first ... date, and the first time we ... uuummm well, you know" the solder confessed blushing slightly.

"Really?"

"Yea, really" he whispered gently, looking down and meeting Cloud's eyes.

"So we didn't ... do it ... after that ... kiss?"

"No. You were pretty shy about it all and I didn't want to scare you off so we took it slow."

Zack stopped and smiled again, his own memories taking him back to those awkward and exciting moments. Their first kisses and gentle caresses, their first hesitant touches which became more confident, the first time they had ... been intimate. Those precious moments in life were suddenly so much like this one, except now there were four of them and they were planning on moving a lot quicker. The realisation of this bothered Zack and he moved back slightly.

"What is wrong?" Sephiroth asked clearly concerned by the soldier's sudden withdrawal from the activity

"I'm sorry ... I can't ... I can't do this" Zack said already pushing himself away from them to stand.

"But ... this was your idea man" Reno suddenly pointed out, his own confusion matching the general's

"I can't ... I ... it's too fast ..."

"You are afraid of hurting Cloud" Sephiroth noted quickly.

Zack didn't need to say anything, the emotions were there on his face, the confusion and fear so plan to see. He looked away as the overwhelming sensations began to choke him, as the thought of rushing the cadet burned a hole in his chest. He turned away from them as his eyes become damp and bit back the tears that wanted to escape. The soldier knew that he had already ruined this moment by his actions and he was not about to make it any worse by breaking down in front of them. It was therefore a surprise when delicate fingers reached up and gently guided his face round to meet glowing blue spheres.

"I'm sorry" he whispered meeting the cadet's eyes and allowing the first tear to run free.

"Why?" Cloud whispered back, afraid that anything louder would upset the soldier more.

"This was supposed to be about you and I've spoilt that. I thought it would be ok ... that doing this would help, but ..." He paused as his voice broke, the tears now falling freely down his face. "Oh Spiky I'm sorry. I don't want to rush you and this is, even if you say it's not, to me it is."

"I remember seeing the stars at night while sitting near mountains" Cloud began, his voice soft and gentle as he looked at the soldier. "I remember the tastes of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and the smell of strawberries on my skin, but it's still vague. It feels like I was there but not there at the same time. I can't explain it, not properly."

"That strawberries were something Reno brought back once" Zack informed him smiling a little.

"And the cookies?"

"The first time you stayed over after ... after we became a couple. We made the cookies together and ate them as soon as they were done. Damn things burnt my mouth."

"I kissed you better" Cloud finished softly.

"Yea" Zack replied, his smile brightening a little.

"What about the stars? I mean you can't really see them here much and there certainly aren't any mountains" Reno asked interrupting the moment.

They all stood for a minute contemplating the question, all searching for a possibly answer as to why Cloud held the memory.

"Perhaps it is something from your home in Nibelheim?" Sephiroth proposed thoughtfully "I believe the region is filled with mountains"

There was another minute of silence as the soldier, Turk and general observed the cadet who had fallen into a trance, his eyes looking distant as he searched within himself for something.

"Tifa" Cloud breathed, the image of the young women springing to mind and making him dizzy again.

"Cloud." Zack gasped, as he grabbed at the cadet who swayed in front of them.

"I'm ok" the blonde managed, holding onto the soldier tightly.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine" Cloud said meeting the soldier's fearful expression and wanting to reassure him. "I just remembered ... something else. It's slowly coming back to me Zack, what we're doing here ... it helped to start that, helped me to remember. Please don't be afraid of hurting me, I need this as much as you do, as we all do."

"I don't know if I can Spiky, I just ... I ... it..." Zack stopped his mumbling words and drew a breath to focus himself. "It would feel wrong to make you go all the way, with all of us, especially if it feels new to you. Like your first time again."

Zack hadn't wanted to point this out, hadn't wanted to use the cadet's own admission against him, but he wasn't about to rush something which they hadn't hurried the first time round. He was therefore surprised when Cloud made a request which offered an alternative option, one which he hadn't considered.

"Then why don't we go back to that time, go back to the first time between us. Show me how it happened Zack, help me to remember what it felt like to be held in your arms when you made me ... when we ... shared our first time together."

The soldier considered the words carefully, rolled them around in his head before making a decision about what he would say next.

"The first time wasn't how you're probably imagining it. We didn't rush into the kind of ... intimacy you're thinking of. We took it slow Cloud, real slow, so that you were comfortable with me and with yourself."

"I don't understand."

"The first time I ... had that affect on you we were dressed like we are now."

"But, then how?"

"We were making out and it got a little heated, you were still nervous about touching and so our trousers stayed on, but .."

"but?"

"We ended up pressed quite close together and ... well ... one thing led to another and ..."

"Show me."

"What?" Zack gasped softly in surprise at the sudden certainty in Cloud's voice.

"Show me. You said yourself you don't feel right rushing me and this would be just like our first time."

"Except this time I'm the one who's nervous as hell" the soldier joke softly.

"Yea" Cloud agreed softly.

"Perhaps we should leave you two alone then" Sephiroth said as he began to move from the bed.

"Please don't" Cloud called to him quickly "I know it ... that you're going to feel awkward, but I ... I want you to be here."

"Are you sure" Reno asked cautiously.

"Yes, please, stay."

The Turk and general looked at each other questioningly and after a moment nodded to each other.

"We will remain" Sephiroth agreed as he moved to sit beside Reno on the bed "But we will allow you both to share this moment without our involvement"

"You guys ok with that?" Zack asked feeling guilty now.

"This is about what's best for Cloud" the general replied "Besides I am also curious about this past event."

"Great, so no pressure then." Zack joked, scratching at the back of his head nervously.

"Then focus on me" Cloud breathed, using his hand to guide the soldier's face towards him once more. "Tell me what we did, show me how it happened, help me to remember."

"We were dressed like this" Zack began letting his eyes meet with Cloud's.

"You said that" the cadet breathed back gently.

"We were kissing, not just chaste kisses ... but deep, heavy breathing, toe curling ones." The soldier informed the cadet, his voice dipping slightly to a husky tone.

"Show me" Cloud whispered against his lips.

Zack took Cloud at his word and let his mouth connect with the cadets' in a deep passion filled kiss. He let their lips meet and moaned as the soft skin met with his own, as he licked at the seam once again seeking permission to enter. This time there was no hesitation in Cloud's body as he opened up to Zack, as he allowed the soldier's tongue into his mouth to play against his own. The soldier let himself fall into the taste of Cloud, into the warmth and delight that existed in this moment between them. The kiss became just as he had proposed and Zack felt his body respond with a rush of heat as the cadet moved against him.

Cloud felt the surge of pleasure rush along his spine, felt the way Zack's kisses stirred his body and indeed made his toes curl. He felt Zack's arms tighten around him and pull them up against each other, using the slight height difference to lift him and press their bodies even closer together. A soft moan travelled from deep inside him and Cloud knew that the soldier reacted to the sound. He felt Zack's heart suddenly begin to beat a deeper faster rhythm in his chest, as it was crushed against his own, and became very aware of the hardening length forming in the soldier's trousers. He was just beginning to feel his own body responding in a similar way when Zack broke away from the kiss and moved back leaving him breathless.

"Good right?" Zack asked panting slightly.

"Yea" Cloud gasped softly as he smiled up at the soldier.

"We did a lot of that" Zack said as he ran his hands over Cloud's back affectionately.

"What else did we do?"

"We moved to the bed."

"How?"

"Like this" Zack said already claiming Cloud's lips again.

This time as they drowned in the feel of each other the soldier began to move, gentle edging towards the bed, carefully directing the cadet until they reached the edge of the mattress. Once there he moved the kisses away from Cloud's lips and began to place tender caresses along the cadet's neck, focusing on the places which he knew to be the most sensitive. Zack waited until Cloud moaned again, until the blonde's pleasure could be heard clearly, until he was sure that the next part wouldn't be too much of a shock.

Cloud knew that he couldn't deny the effect Zack's lips were having on his body and thanked Gaia that the raven haired man seemed to know him so well. He could feel the heat pooling in his groin as soft skin danced over an area just below his ear along the slope of his neck and moaned as another shiver of pleasure ran through his body. Cloud had noticed their progression across the room, had felt the edge of the bed as his legs came to rest against it, and now felt the excitement of what was to come rush through him. The mixture of nervous anticipation and hesitant desire was burning within him and Cloud could only imagine that it was something close to what he must have felt back then as well.

Both of them gasped as Zack tried, unsuccessfully, to lower them onto the bed gently. The soldier had been so caught up in the sensation of the cadet against him, and the way his body was suddenly feeling too tight within the confines of his trousers, that he misjudged the distance between them and the beds surface. As a result they both ended up falling onto the mattress and bouncing against each other as the soft springs reacted to the sudden weight landing on them.

"Smooth" Reno commented in amusement from above them.

"Thanks" Zack said, laughing softly as he stole a quick glance at the red head.

"Did that happen the first time as well?" Cloud asked breathlessly.

"Yea, I think it did" the soldier admitted blushing.

"Then what happened?"

"I ran my hand along your leg like this" Zack said, at the same time as completing the manoeuvre described.

"Then what?" Cloud moaned, as Zack's grip tightened around the back of his knee.

"I moved you into a better position." The soldier purred, as he brought the leg up to bend at the hip and take up a new place hooked around his body.

"Oh Gaia" Cloud gasped as the new arrangement pushed their shared arousal together.

"Cloud, you ... ok?" Zack managed as the feel of their bodies so close together pushed him towards a wonderful place.

"I'm ok"

"Good, now ... now try to move with me" Zack moaned gently against Cloud's ear.

Cloud did as Zack asked and moved, pushing his body up against the soldier's, the action rubbing some very intimate body parts together in a mind blowing way. He moaned as the feel of Zack's swollen flesh pushed against his own, as the sensation of being touched in such a needy yet hesitant way filled him with fire. This was how it was for them, he knew that now, and understood why Zack had been so uncertain of pushing him. Cloud moaned as the combined feelings of his body and heart rode him, as his tender flesh craved the soldier's touch, while his heart soared at knowing Zack would never hurt him. The rhythm was increasing, the pace becoming more demanding from both of them and the cadet knew this moment wouldn't last much longer

Zack drew in a deep breath as he continued to move down against Cloud's body, as he braced himself on his elbows and directed his hips forward against the cadet's pelvis. There was so much heat between them, so much desire burning within his veins that it stole his breath. The soldier could feel the blonde's hard length pressed against him with each thrust, their bodies being separated by nothing more than a few thin layers of fabric. The knowledge of what lay beneath him caused the throbbing mass between his legs to pulse demandingly and Zack groaned as the pressure suddenly began to build within him.

"Zack ... I ... it's ..." Cloud stammered as each thrust pushed them together, as each motion became stronger and more forceful.

"It's ok ... just relax ... into it" Zack encouraged through gasping breaths, his body fighting to hold the rhythm as the need for release grew stronger.

"I'm ... it's ... so close" Cloud panted as his body began to move frantically beneath the soldier's.

"I know ... it's ok, just ... just let it happen." The soldier managed, before another wave of pleasure stole his breath and caused his control to slip a little.

Cloud cried out at the first contraction of muscles low down, as his body suddenly tightened in a way which was so wonderfully familiar. His hands now left the tight grip they had on the bed sheets and reached out desperately searching for something or someone to hold onto. The cadet's eyes flew open as his palms connected with the hands of someone else and he tilted his head back to see the general and Turk sitting just above them. He saw the light in their eyes, knew that his pleasure was theirs as well and knew that it was their hands which now held his own. Cloud smiled up at them as the first wave of orgasm rushed through him, as the tightening coil began to snap. He entwined his fingers with theirs and held on tightly as the release took him, as his body convulsed beneath the soldier's and he came crying out Zack's name.

Zack knew he was fighting a losing battle, the feel of Cloud's body moving against his own so demandingly, the grinding motions tearing away at his control. The soldier thanked Gaia for giving him the strength to give Cloud release first, for being able to hold on as the cadet's body climaxed beneath him. He rode the blonde's frantic movements a little longer, as the sound of his name being cried out to the heavens filled his ears. The orgasm ripe through Zack like lightening, the pleasure coursing through his body in a flash of bright light, as he cried out Cloud's name in response to his own release. He felt the material between them grow wet, knowing that it was the evidence of their shared enjoyment of each other's bodies becoming visible. He felt himself breathing heavily, felt the muscles in his arms trembling slightly as they tried to support his weight above the cadet's body without crushing him.

Cloud's release had come as a mixed blessing, the pleasure of his organs being accompanied by the pain of his memories falling back into place once more. Each thrust against the soldier's body gave pleasure beyond words, the sensations of release coursing through his body, as the heat between his legs throbbed and his clothes became damp. But it was the pain which tore through his head that made Cloud grit his teeth together. The skull splitting agony which followed each glorious spasm through his body that made him grip Sephiroth and Reno's hands tighter. He could only hold on while his heart happily drowned in the rush of orgasm and his mind exploded with images of his past, the mixed sensations and emotions crashing against him like waves upon the shore. He rode the waves of pleasure and pain, experiencing both the life which had been and the life he was living here and now. His body shock with the force of the merging sensations, his mind blending the images together and then sorting them out again in a matter of heartbeats. Cloud collapsed back onto the bed gasping for air, his heart beating desperately in his chest, while his head ached from the abuse of so much in such a short space of time

Zack's head was bowed forward as he drew in steadying breaths, but snapped up instantly when he heard Sephiroth's concerned voice calling to Cloud. He immediately saw what had made the general so worried and understood their concern as the cadet's body remained tense against the bed, his breathing still heavy, and his hands still holding tightly onto theirs. The soldier quickly moved, rolling his body off of the cadet's, so that he could take a better position alongside the blonde. No sooner had he done so, then Cloud's body instinctively curled up on its side and his brow furrowed as he gasped in pain. Zack's hands were on the blonde's trembling form in an instant, the soldier desperately trying to give comfort and reassurance through gentle soothing caresses.

"Cloud? Can you hear me?" Zack asked softly, his voice cracking under the pressure of the pain he had caused.

"I'm ok" the cadet gasped, his voice tinted with restrained pain.

"No ... no your not. Please ... talk to me" the soldier begged, his body now shaking terribly.

"Just ... Just ... give me ... a minute" Cloud stammered as his body shifted on the bed.

They gave him the time he had asked for and waited patiently as he gathered himself again, as his breathing returned to normal and his body settled back against the bed.

"Are you alright?" Reno asked gently running a free hand through the cadet's hair while the other continued to hold his hand tightly.

"Yea, I'm ok" Cloud replied softly as he opened his eyes and looked up at them.

Whatever they saw in his blue orbs was enough to convince them of the truth of his words, enough to let them relax and release the breath which they had all been holding.

"Are you sure" Zack asked, needing to be certain

"My head hurts, like before" the cadet admitted hesitantly "But it's ok, honest. I just need a few minutes to rest and I'll be alright" he quickly added to reassure them.

"Ok" Zack agreed nodding, his body slumping forward a little as the tension began to ease away.

"So what do you remember?" Sephiroth asked gently, his thumb now moving to caress the cadet's hand prolonging the hold on it within his own.

"A lot, maybe not everything but still ... it was ... a lot."

"Is that what caused the pain?" Zack asked with concern.

"I think so. The ... what we did felt good ... great even, but the memoires sort of hit me hard."

"And how do you feel now?" Sephiroth asked gently.

"Tired and my head hurt's" Cloud replied honestly.

"Well in that case I believe this has been enough for now. Let's get you sorted out and settled for the night" the general informed them all.

Cloud showered first and was already dry and tucked up amongst the covers when Zack finished and entered the bedroom. Sephiroth and Reno had also changed for the night and were resting comfortably with the cadet curled up between them. Zack could see from the gentle rise and fall of the blonde's chest that he was already asleep so moved towards the bed silently.

"I see you guys found you stuff in the spare room" Zack whispered as he climbed in beside them.

"It was quite efficient of you to organise them like that" Sephiroth agreed smiling brightly.

"Yea, man. I've never had a draw at someone's place before. Guess that means were getting serious" the Turk joked, his playful smile barely concealing the true happiness shining within his eyes.

"Well you guys still need to do your own washing ,no way in hell am I gonna turn into the maid in this relationship."

"I don't know, you'd look quite cute in a little skirt and apron" Reno replied grinning wildly and ducking as an arm swung in his direction.

"Zack! Reno!" Sephiroth warned in a stern whisper, his gaze directing the men towards the cadet who had stirred as a result of their actions.

"Sorry" Zack and Reno both whispered as they moved back to settle against the soft mattress again.

"Are you guys ok ... with what happened tonight?" the soldier asked after a moment, his eyes looking at them both anxiously.

"I am aware of the bond you and Cloud share, that it is perhaps stronger than my own with him, but I feel no resentment towards either of you for it. You were together first and that makes what you have stronger, what he feels for you greater." Sephiroth replied, his voice neutral and relaxed.

"Yea, it's cool. Can't say I didn't want to, but you were right, it was too fast for the little guy" Reno admitted smiling affectionately at Cloud's sleeping form.

"We will have plenty of time to get to know one another again soon enough" Sephiroth observed gently.

"Thanks, for everything" Zack said softly "I don't know what I would have done without you being here."

"I'm sure you would have both been fine" Sephiroth reassured the soldier with a soft smile.

"Yea, it's not like the kid can forget you for long" Reno added lightly. "You're practically a part of each other as it is."

"Really?" Zack asked in surprise.

"Of course. He has developed some habits which are much like your own" Sephiroth pointed out happily.

"Definitely." Reno agreed. "I swear the kids getting more like you every day."

Zack smiled as their words filled him with a strange comfort, as the idea of Cloud being a blonde haired version of himself filled him with a sense of reassurance and joy. It was with theses thought in mind that he settled once more against the bed and closed his eyes to drift away in a peaceful sleep. Reno followed next the strains of his mission and worry catching up with him just as the strains of the past few days had caught up with the soldier. Sephiroth followed close behind, his own concerns floating away as he held them all close.

Soon the room was filled with the sounds of gentle breathing as they slept soundly together, their minds at ease and their bodies entwined as one. No longer did they feel alone as they shared a bed, knowing that this was how it should be, the warmth of the blankets being nothing in comparison to the warmth of their hearts.


End file.
